Review: Breaking Dawn

Twilight: the movie we love to hate, and would never dare admit watching it for fear of losing street cred. I watched it. And cringed every other scene when I wasn’t laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.
A quick disclaimer before my friends break off ties with me for watching Breaking Dawn. I’d read that:
- Kristen Stewart had said that the wedding scene was “very, very emotional” for her.
- Stephanie Meyer claimed that the birth was so emotional that “people shed a bunch of tears during filming“.
Naturally, I had to see if what the heck they were talking about. And well… first thoughts after watching?
I am never, ever, ever going to have kids. #scarred4lyfe
You know, I think this might just be Stephanie Meyer’s dastardly plan.
Create the most blood-curdling childbirth scene you can while maintaining a PG-13 rating and warn horny adolescents from unprotected sex. Or dissuade people from having children, because they’re demons that eat you up from within.
Your pubescent teen doesn’t want to or is too lazy to use protection? Terrify them during sex-ed with this: “Do you really want to suffer a horrifying childbirth like Bella?”
It doesn’t even matter that logically, vampires are dead and thus their sperm should be, as well. Edward defies all rules with his 100-year-old wonder sperm. Want a vampire baby? 1 session is all it takes and you’ll see results in 14 days!
As to the most anticipated deflowering of the century: Well, I thought we’d get more, but apparently they went for the ‘less is more’ approach, so use your imagination. I’m not sure if I’m thankful or disappointed. On one hand, I wanted to see the dirty, but…. I might have gagged if I had to go through a whole sequence of let’s-bone-Bella.
Okay. I’ll try to be objective now and balance the above with things I liked.
- It’s not the director and crew’s fault. The story just CMI.
- I really liked the dream wedding sequence… The costuming and set design looked good.
- The open back of Bella’s real wedding gown was lovely. The front was weird, though. Criss-crossing at her nipples? Awkward, bro.
- Bella’s dad. Fatherly love coming through in his speech:
“I know Edward will be a good husband… (beat) Because I’m a cop. I know things. (beat) And if he doesn’t, I know how to use a gun. (beat) And chase a person to the ends of the earth.” LOL. - The font they used for the credits. Oh god I love the font. So beautiful. So neat. So crisp. So READABLE. Unlike Drive‘s cursive font which was totally WTF.
- And Seth the werewolf. What a cute kid – I want to pinch his cheeks and give him a noogie……………I know. It doesn’t make sense.
So. Should you watch it, or not? I don’t know. I’d say no, but this is one of those movies people watch to stay ‘culturally relevant’. Even if they do so to hate on it.
Rating: 



117 mins. Thriller. And currently showing everywhere.










